Lockdown Breakdown

I see no point in going on
For everything goes dim ahead of me
I have no will to carry on
Redemption is just not a choice for me

Is it because I’m lonely?
And why am I so sad?
Is my mind going crazy?
How could this go so bad?

I trapped myself for days on end
Repeating every day inside a lie
To run from things I should have done
But swear to god I really don’t know why

Is it because I’m crazy?
Else, why am I so glad
To yield and say that I’m just lazy?
Why has it gone so bad?

I see my life regressing back
When all around me flourish, shine, and bloom
I feel my head does badly lack
Some things that could have saved me from my doom

Is it some mind disorder?
Is it really that bad?
That I just can’t be bothered
What have had gone so bad?

I really want to sort myself
But say, those leaves look like a horny mouse
Maybe I’ll do it later
Or tomorrow

Or the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the- fuck. Not again.

I really need to see a shrink
But my procrastination set me back
And now the times are changing
The whole damn world is, like me, going whack

Should I still try to reach out?
If I could have been dead?
Should I go out
If COVID
Will get me first instead?



4 July 2020,

-@rhinestone_ted-

Popular posts from this blog

Tolong

Tolong! Aku baru terbangun dari tidurku Dari mimpi Dan aku melihat Lengan dan jari-jariku Sudah menjadi besi Tolong! Aku baru terbangun dari mimpi Dari tidurku Dan segala nadi arteri Di tanganku Menjadi selang berminyak Dan saraf-sarafku menjadi kabel timah Tolong aku! Aku baru selesai bermimpi Akan hidup di atas awan pelangi Dan akan darah dan peluh dan air mani Yang semanis madu dan warna-warni Tapi ketika aku membuka mataku Untuk menghadapi kenyataan di depanku Yang kulihat hanyalah abu-abu Selamatkan aku! Karena aku tak bisa lagi menoleh kiri-kanan Dan yang kulihat di depan Hanyalah Soekarno-Hatta dan Ngurah Rai dan Otto Iskandardinata serta Pattimura Dan kakiku tanpa sadarku berjalan kesitu Dan aku kehilangan kesadaranku Dan aku hanya bisa rindu Dengan kegilaan mimpiku Tadi malam itu Sisa-sisa kewarasanku sudah terpakai untuk mengejar orang-orang itu. Terus mengejar orang-orang itu Tanpa berlari Dan dengan hanya duduk Termenung Dalam seb...
Read more